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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977669">not a hero</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space'>lostin_space</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>quick little doodles [109]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arguing, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Reference Suicidal Ideation, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:55:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You are not a hero!”</p><p>Alex watched Michael freeze and stare up at him like he’d been burned, but he didn’t fucking care anymore. What had Michael done for him that deserved kindness in return recently? He couldn’t think of one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michael Guerin/Alex Manes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>quick little doodles [109]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1441564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Roswell New Mexico ▶ Michael Guerin / Alex Manes</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>not a hero</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>an alternate conversation to the one in <a href="https://spaceskam.tumblr.com/post/616866833617780736/heres-the-original-version-of-this-that-i-wasnt">this</a> fic</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“You are not a hero!”</em>
</p><p>Alex watched Michael freeze and stare up at him like he’d been burned, but he didn’t fucking care anymore. What had Michael done for him that deserved kindness in return recently? He couldn’t think of one.</p><p>“Don’t fucking look at me like that because you know it’s true!” Alex continued, “You’re not a hero! I don’t care how much you want to be one or how much you try, you aren’t! Real heroes act out of kindness, not out of personal gain! Do you think fucking Batman is having a fun time?! No, he hates everything! You just crave fucking praise, just like Max. Is it some white boy complex I’m unaware of?”</p><p>“And what, Alex, you don’t act like you’re a hero either? You don’t act like it’s your duty to fix all your dad’s shit! What’s the difference?!” Michael demanded, tears welling up in his eyes as if hearing he wasn’t some fucking savoir was heartbreaking.</p><p>“Because I don’t have a choice! If I don’t do it, people die! Your whole push is stupidity and, and wanting to make your stupid girlfriend see you as something more than a fucking loser!” Alex screamed. Again, he looked so hurt. “Oh, stop looking at me like that. I am so <em>done</em> with pitying you.”</p><p>“You think I’m a loser?”</p><p>Alex pinched the bridge of his nose, tilting his head back. He took a deep breath as he tried to figure out how to word it.</p><p>“Do I think you’re a loser? No. Do I think you act like one? Fuck yes,” Alex scoffed, shaking his head, “You are wasting your life!”</p><p>“I’m trying not to!”</p><p>“In the wrong ways!” Alex snapped, “It is not your <em>job</em> to fix this bullshit! You’re going to get yourself killed!”</p><p>“So?!” Michael said, voice breaking and tears falling. Alex looked away so he didn’t get wrapped up in him. He always did.</p><p>“Oh my God, Guerin…” Alex groaned, closing his eyes and breathing, “Have some self-preservation for once in your fucking life. You’re worth more than you think you are and more than Maria thinks you are and more than <em>anyone</em> seems to think you are. But you will never be a hero in the way you want to be.”</p><p>“Fuck you, Alex.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, someone had to tell you the truth,” Alex sighed. It didn’t even sting anymore. He’d already done all the damage he could. The clear<em> I don’t love you </em>on his face seemed to hurt more than anything else.</p><p>He turned to leave, his hand reaching the door without hesitating.</p><p>“Wait,” Michael called. And Alex stopped because he always fucking would. “Help me?”</p><p>“Why should I?”</p><p>It was silent for one too many seconds and he was about to leave before Michael answered.</p><p>“I want it to be us, Alex,” he admitted, so much truth in his voice that it stung.</p><p>“Don’t fuck with me like that.”</p><p>“I’m not,” he said, crying with no shame, “I just need <em>something</em> to make me feel worth it, you, us. Help me.”</p><p>And Alex, stupid as ever, sighed and turned to face him.</p><p>“What do you need?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>also on my tumblr: spaceskam</p></blockquote></div></div>
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